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I'm effing boring on Twitter. Also, my username there is @EffingBoringfollowing
Dear JetBlue,
Might want to rethink your abbreviation for “Happy Jetting!” as a favicon. Though that does make me want to fly JetBlue.
Christian rappers perform a song about the dangers of full frontal hugging.
GIMME THAT CHRISTIAN SIDE-HUG, THAT CHRISTIAN SIDE-HUG!
Ryan’s response was merely to sigh in defeat when I asked him for a Christian side-hug.
But… but I thought… I… but this is… but…
“Jesus never hugged NOBODY LIKE THAT!”
…
…
*brain trickles out of ear*
Hand to god, I just had a dream where this was a Tumblr meme. Really.
Please don’t actually do it thinking that it will be funny, because it isn’t.
I volunteer for an organization which is doing amazing work in advancing the cause of human rights for Afghan women, an estimated 90% of whom suffer from domestic violence. Yes. Ninety.
This is just one of the depressingly many women who need help. Please read this and help if you can, I’d really appreciate it. You can click on the link to donate, but as a warning, there is a somewhat graphic picture of what this poor woman looks like now. They are trying to send her to the US for surgery. If you see fit to, you can reblog or whatever.
Stories like hers are shockingly common:
“Six months ago, she was beaten so badly by her husband that she thought that she was going to die. She ran away and went to the neighbor’s house. The neighbor took to her to the police. Since Uruzgan doesn’t have a women’s prison, the police took her to Kandahar and kept her in jail because she had run away from home. She spent four months in the Kandahar women’s prison. After four months, her father came and took her out of prison. He took her back to Uruzgan and gave her back to her husband.
Her husband once more beat her to the brink of death, and then he cut her nose and ears off. He did this because she had brought shame to the family by running away. Then he took her to the mountains and left her there to die. She was rescued by the U.S forces. They kept her in the military clinic for 2 months until her wounds healed. Almost everyday, her father came to the American base and wanted to take her back with him…”
I’m sorry for asking you for money, and for generally being a debbie downer, but please help if this moves you and you’ve got the spare change. Thank you so much.
![So, this happened today.
It’s just for insurance purposes, but whoa: we totally got gay married. (Would this have been funnier if I said we “got DP’d”?)
(I’ll probably post later about how infuriating it is that we can treat this like “no big deal” because we have a completely legal opposite-marriage to look forward to in our future [no plans yet but in the next couple of years]. But right now, we’re kinda sitting around and saying “this is not a big deal but it is,” so let us have that.)](http://10.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kt87ezD0Hl1qzajj0o1_500.jpg)
So, this happened today.
It’s just for insurance purposes, but whoa: we totally got gay married. (Would this have been funnier if I said we “got DP’d”?)
(I’ll probably post later about how infuriating it is that we can treat this like “no big deal” because we have a completely legal opposite-marriage to look forward to in our future [no plans yet but in the next couple of years]. But right now, we’re kinda sitting around and saying “this is not a big deal but it is,” so let us have that.)
My mom and dad are still young. They still know how to appreciate silly things, and be touched by small things. They’re still active, healthy, curious, and ambitious. They divorced in their 40s, but they’ve each confidently sought happiness and fulfillment. They are both, out of all the people I know, “the best” at something. They manage to still impress me and I still find them both beautiful in that primal, first-sight-of-life way that children see their parents’ beauty.
All that said, they aren’t perfect people and there have been times, sometimes long stretches, when I’ve disliked each of them a great deal, and they deserved it. There are those terrifying memories that never leave you, the first few times you realize that *you* are being the adult, and your parent is utterly infantile. There are places where their failings as parents and human beings created a fault line in my personal growth whose twisted effects are visible now and always will be.
All that said, I’ve reached an age where I cry whenever I leave from a visit to one of their houses, or even when I just sit and think about how much I love them.
Just wanted you parents out there to know that at least one kid did end up appreciating all the effort.
Birthday Boots! Hope @moltz and @mdigcat had similarly awesome birthdays!!!
[Merlin’s wonderful post. Go read it.][snips]
It makes me wonder: what would a similar list from the female perspective look like? I don’t mean a list of rules for men; I mean one for how women should treat their manfriends. To be clear, I’m not talking about some patriarchal, subservient crap. Nor am I referring to the “How To Please Your Man” bullshit you’ll find in Cosmo. I’m talking about a list of things like Merlin’s, but for women by women. Because, as much as I agree that it “goes both ways”, I’m not so sure it’s that obvious.
So do any of you women have a code you live by in your romantic relationships? Are there rules you’ve established for being respectful, caring, and supportive of your S.O.?
I tried to do what you asked. I really tried. But here is the thing, I think: it does go both ways. I’m not so sure that there are any rules that apply solely to how a man should be treated in a relationship, or how a woman should operate. I think Merlin’s list could easily say, at the bottom, “ladies, do these things too, switching penis and vagina where appropriate.”
Yeah, there are a lot of mistakes I see women making. And yeah, if something is wrong, just fucking tell him and don’t say “fine” and don’t get all quiet because I know something is wrong and dammit this isn’t a game, Jenn. The thing that no one really wants to say is this: women make different mistakes from men (they act needy, they become overly emotional, etc.), but for the same reasons as men. A whole hell of a lot of relationship advice could be boiled down to this: know yourself very well, and know how to communicate.
There are also a lot of things I think women should do. But I also think men should do them. Like, I originally wrote “cook him a nice dinner.” Don’t get on me about how patriarchal that sounds, because don’t you want someone to fucking cook you a nice dinner sometimes? I do. And that’s the point, I think. As I tried to write my list, I couldn’t get away from the fact that I think everyone, at core, should do the same basic stuff in their relationships.
For example, for a lady-list, I might say something like “think about sex and don’t be afraid to be sexual.” But then I thought that made assumptions about women (and men) that I wasn’t comfortable making, and was kind of reductive. Mostly, it was unsatisfying because, at core, it’s about knowing and loving yourself, which is a thing we all need to do to be successful in relationships. Maybe I’m making something complicated that doesn’t have to be, or maybe it’s because I’ve dated both men and women, but I think all gender-related relationship rules really boil down to something else more universal. Like, “put the toilet seat down” really means “respect your shared space and be courteous.” And “listen to him talk about his model trains or guitars or whatever” just means “find small ways to be interested in what your special one cares about, even if it’s boring to you.” And “tell him if something is bothering you, don’t make him guess” means “learn to communicate your needs and trust your partner with your emotions.”
But, since I do have the gender identification you requested, and since it’s fun, here are my rules for myself for being in a relationship. The caveat (among the same ones Merlin had, and others) is this: I’m in my 20s. And while I’ve lived through a surprising amount of Relationship Stuff, I don’t presume to know Things about Life and Love. In other words, this list will always be hopelessly incomplete. And also, like I said, I generally believe that all people like to be treated fundamentally the same way. I’m sorry, @fedge, because I don’t think this is what you were looking for, but I did enjoy writing it, if that helps. Anyway:
1. Know who you are, and what you want. Admit that you’ve got all kinds of faults, and carve out a way to love yourself as though you were buried alive and needed it to live.
2. Listen. Don’t just listen, but learn your partner’s own special version of language, and become fluent in it.
3. Learn when a fault is a flaw, and when it’s a problem. Learn to forgive flaws, and learn to tackle problems. If you’re angry, be angry but not hurtful. If you want to fix things, talk about it from a place of understanding and love.
4. If you make a mistake, admit it. If your partner makes a mistake that bothers you, tell them. If they make one that doesn’t bother you, let it go.
5. Make time for fun. Fight hard if necessary to always keep in the front of your mind the reasons you love that person. Think of nice things to do for them, then do them. Be spontaneous occasionally.
6. Have a lot of sex. Make sure you initiate it sometimes, and make it a priority to be creative about sex as often as possible.
7. Give a shit about the things your partner cares about.
8. Remind them often how awesome they are and why. Be affectionate, physically and verbally.
9. Expect all of the above of your partner.
