What I Imagine “Game Of Thrones” Is Like Based On Never Having Seen An Episode Of “Game Of Thrones” & Only Hearing My Friends Talk About It
The sun rises over a castle, a castle made of swords and pegasuses and gargoyles shaped like dongs. In the distance, 100 concubines have sex with their sisters and step-dads.
EDDARD STARK: I, Eddard Stark, am a warrior of the Dawn-Dune. I have bedded many lady-women in the dew of Beowulf’s May-Pole.
LORD PATYR “LITTLEFINGER” BAELISH: I, Lord Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, have blood made out of dragons-blood. That’s why they call me Lord Petyr “Dragons-blood” Baelish.
TYRION LANNISTER: Jeez, it sure is tough to be incestuous and horny at the same time. I’m so incestuous and horny, I could just bone my sister!!!!!
Enter KING ROBERT BARATHEON, followed by 24,635 extras and 365,674 main characters.
EDDARD: I am Eddard. My friends call me, “Ned,” and IMBD calls me, “played by Sean Bean.”
KING ROBERT BARATHEON: Eddard, I am a king. I have forgotten my name and most plot points, as there are many plot points.
Prince Viserys Taragaryen rapes some nymphs while sharpening a sword on his sister’s demon-boob.
LORD PATYR “LITTLEFINGER” BAELISH: This is a sword, and what is a sword but a metal dragon that is shaped like a sword?
PRINCE VISERYS TARAGARYEN: I’m winning the Game Of Thrones. I have the most points and the least technical fouls in this Game. This Game of Thrones.
KING ROBERT BARATHEON: Is my name “Rick”?
He rolls a many-sided die, since this show is maybe some sort of elaborate role-playing video game, maybe.
BILBO BAGGINS: This is Lord of The Rings, right?
FRODO BAGGINS: Yes.
Enter JAIME LANNISTER, an important member of the 92,924,024-person cast. He has just finished elaborately sexing a glimmering satyr with his shimmering be-amuleted penis. P.S. There are 356,753,103 satyrs in this show. They are half-horse/half-sexy horse.
JAIME LANNISTER: The King must be fore-slain.
TYRION LANNISTER: That showed insolence. TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR.
Tyrion stabs Jaime through the heart with his fist, then makes love to the heart-hole. Just kidding, it is a violent and vengeful hate-boning. In the background, a beautiful angel masturbates.
OBI WAN KENOBI: This is Star Wars, right?
BLADERUNNER: Yes.
KING ROBERT BARATHEON: Is my name “Rick”? Is my name “King Rick”?
HARRY POTTER: Yes.
In the background, a googolplex sex-slaves are giving birth to sons and having sex with their infant sons as soon as they are born.
PRINCE FAJHO RJETIEODF: I am character in this Game. In This Game Of Thrones.
PRINCESS UW(RJGA JFDISHJT: Me too.
PRINCE FGJYEI GJFS/SFGIJJS&FGII*JSSIJIFGSJ: Me too.
PRINCE THE REAL-LIFE SINGER: Me too.
PRINCESS CRUISES: Me too.
THOR: This is Tron, right?
CARS 2: Yes.
HBO: Yes.
